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Rational Thoughts About My Perianal Abscess

What's the Fuss with this Pus?

*sigh*

Today as I was showering and shaving my hoo -ha area (don’t judge me) I came across a perianal abscess. Yep! Right there in-between my meat wallet and balloon knot. <— I had to google funny words for vagina and anus for that one. DON’T JUDGE ME! 

All joking aside having an abscess is an awful thing to deal with. I try to joke a bit and maintain my alarmingly great sense of humor but not only are they gross but they are extremely painful. Severe pain that interrupts sleep and makes wearing clothes, walking, sitting, and so forth a real struggle. It’s incredible how painful they are. The last time I had one I couldn’t sleep because if I laid on my back the abscess hurt and when I laid on my side my hips hurt. That’s another story for another day but I get severe pain in my pelvic bones when I sleep that wakes me every few hours. I can’t lay on one side for too long or the pain gets too intense and it wakes me up and I have to roll to the other side. That is how my night goes; alternating from side-to-side every few hours once I am woken by the pain.

This abscess is definitely right in-between two places I don’t want getting messed up. Having them sure does mess with my mental health. They make me feel really unattractive and gross and affect my self-esteem. Also it messes up your sex life and being intimate when they are located in that area.

Me, being the calm and collected individual that I am jumps out of the shower, wraps myself in a towel, and stomp upstairs. I walk into Dan’s office and dramatically plop myself onto his lap all wet and with a pout on my face conversation went as such: 

Gif of a woman saying "wait... is that butt stuff?" to a man who puts is palm to his head

Me: What if it turns into a full blown fistula and it ruins my J-pouch? Then i’ll have to commit suicide! 

Dan: *stares at me like I’m insane*

and then

Me: What if it turns into a vaginal-Jpouch fistula and of course you divorce me!? 

Dan: *stares at me like I’m insane*

See! I am totally rational and don’t just jump to worse case scenarios or say dramatic things. 

Right now the abscess is at the beginning stage where you can feel it deep inside and it’s red and warm to the touch but it hasn’t yet grown to it’s full size or started leaking pus. That’s right, I talk about all the attractive things here. 

In other news tomorrow is a very exciting day for us. Nature journal is coming to interview Dan and I about being IBD patients and advocates and whether or not advocacy affects clinical care (it does!). Nature journal. That’s a big deal. Yay!

Sara

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