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The Shower of All Showers: It’s the “I’m Going to the Hospital” Shower

Fingers and Cameras in My Butt at My Arrival

The ‘I’m going to the hospital’ shower. The shower you take when you feel like maybe, just maybe, you might end up having to be admitted to the hospital or take a trip to the ER. It’s also the shower you take before a procedure that you know your butt will probably be participating in. 

It’s similar to the sex shower except the end result isn’t sex; it’s cameras and fingers up your butt… I mean maybe that is the end result of your sex life? Haha. If you’re like me you shave everything because you never know who is going to be seeing what when you’re there or when you’ll be able to shave next. I have a disease of the digestive tract so chances are they are going to want to stick fingers and cameras up my butt hole as soon as I arrive.

And what if surgery is involved? Gotta think about that. I’m sure when I had my J-pouch surgery I was put into positions I really don’t want to think about and who wants their surgeon looking at a hairy butt crack (not that mine is hairy, but yours could be. I wont judge). This hairy ass could affect their work if all they can think about is how hairy it is, I’ve seen Grey’s Anatomy! 

Back to the shower! To continue the shower I gotta scrub every ich of my body to make sure that it’s clean, shiny, and fresh for all reasons listed above. Don’t forget to wash your hair really well because you never know when you’ll wash it again if you’re admitted. 

Okay, so most of this was exaggerating and meant to be a joke but I do tend to take extra special showers when I think I might be on my way to the hospital. Am I the only one? I’m not. I know because I’ve asked some of you. But tell me, do you take “the hospital shower?” 


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